I'm stuck in the tardis

John Squire You are 70 deep, 37 controversial, and 40 nice!

A moody genius? Or just moody? No one is allowed to talk to you, you're too cool for that. You may end up conquering the world - but you're probably not bothered if you don't.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 96% on deepness You scored higher than 24% on angryness You scored higher than 52% on niceness

Link: The Which Musician Am I? Test written by loveisthelaw on Ok Cupid

Well it appears my depression is back. I've not been out much over the last 2 months (maybe 4 or 6 times). I've shut myself in my room, which i tend to do when i don't want to see anyone or talk to anyone.

I did have a bath today, first one in about 3 weeks. I lose all intrest in life. I can barely function at all.
I want to get back into the real world so to speak. But i ethier don't know how to behave around people or i've forgotten. I've not really been on any medications since september of last year, seeing as they don't really do much. My brain chemistry is Kaput basically.
I write to work my thoughts out. But i haven't been able to recently.
I've returned to my shell and i don't want to come out of it.
I was doing ok for a while, not too depressed, able to function etc
But like a wolf sneaking up on it's prey, it's teeth are firmly on me. I cannot deal with my thought disorder problems ethier. Too many thoughts and my mind becomes fragmented, to such a degree that i don't really know who i am. I just sleep walk through life. Shutting myself down is how i've always coped with my mental health problems. However i really can't see how i'm ever to going get out of this mess.
I do have inner strength to order my thoughts. But it taxes my physical health ie 5 years ago i was underweight due to me not eating, then because of medications i gained weight and carried on gaining weight because i could'nt stop eating (i did'nt make myself sick after i ate though). And now i'm losing weight (in my normal weight range now). But i have lost my desire for life. Thats the best way of putting it. Good job i've got an appointment next week with Professor Geddes.
I'm at my wits end, it's always one step forward, 8 steps back with me.