I'm stuck in the tardis

and woke up just completey miserable, because i don't know why.
I tend to get like this sometimes. It's got nothing to do with anyone else.
Just my silly private battle of wills i guess.
I feel like i sometimes half alive/dead most of the time.
I sometimes lose my my ablity to feel emotional. Like i'm hollow inside.
I think i just need a hug. But getting hugged would involve me letting someone actually hug me.
I don't like being hugged for the simple fact, that i get scared when people hug me.
I have never thought and will never think i'm more important than the rest of the entire human race.
I'm just little old Kevin. Who tries the best he can, and sometimes it's good enough.
And sometimes it's not.

But i really feel alone right now. Well thats not true exactly. I always feel alone.
And not in the i'm depressed look at me grab attention way.
I just feel disconnected from people and thus alone.
I do and can reconnect, but i'm scared of getting close to people.
I always have been, even before my grandmother died.

I'm an extremely shy person by nature. I will goto family weddings and sit at the table, looking at my watch, just willing the time to fly by. Because family gatherings bore me.
Unlike when i was about 6 or 7 years old, when i used to race around the room, chatting to people i did'nt even now.
Ah to be a child again. But i'm an adult now if i like it or not. Time to be all grown up and stuff.
But i still have fun i guess. I'm the silly uncle, who tries to make his nephew take an intrest in fruit or music.

Anyway i think i need an antidepressent alongside what i'm on now. Just to give my brain a bit of a helping hand.
But not so much that i sleep walk through life again.

Because they look cooler than a light sabre (unless it's a double bladed darth maul lightsabre).......
I also want a remote control dalek to guard my room.

But what i probably need the most is some human contact.

But i find i need to be alone to help process my thoughts. Otherwise i am le crazy bastardo who does not give a flying fuck about other peoples feelings, other than those people who have been good to me in the past.

Anyway i should head back to bed, i think i woke up in bad mood again.
I'm getting whimsical again ARGGGGGGGG......

Three names I go by:
1. Kevin
2. Monkzilla
3. Tapzilla

Three screen names you've had:
1. taperoo2k
2. tapzilla2k
3. tapzill2k@hotmail.com for MSN, but that is now a defunct email addy

Three physical things you like about yourself:
1. My blue eyes
2. My hands
3. My nose

Three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. My ears
2. My hairy belly (damn genetics)
3. My bum

Three parts of your heritage:
1.English
2. A bit of scottish
3. And probably a bit of Norman blood as well, but who knows

Three things that scare you:
1. Flys, they are creepy insects. *shudders at the nightmares*
2. Physical affection of any kind
3. Social gatherings

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. Radiohead
2. food
3. Internet

Three things you are wearing right now:
1. jogging bottoms
2. T-shirt
3. Boxer shorts

Three of your favorite bands or musical artists (at the moment):
1. REM
2. Radiohead
3. Tool

Three of your favorite songs (at the moment):
1. REM - How the west was won and where it got us
2. Radiohead - Fake plastic trees
3. Garbage - Sex is not the enemy

Three things you want in a relationship:
1. Love and compassion
2. Understanding of each others quirks
3. Trust

Two truths and a lie (in no particular order):
1. I'm really an african King
2. I want the best for everyone, sometimes the expense of myself
3. I get on better with women, but i cannot seem to take things any further than friendship with women. But that is fine. I value friendship above all else.

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
1. Eyes
2. voice
3. The female Bum

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Writing even though i'm crap at it
2. Reading books such as the Harry Potter series and some historical stuff
3. Watching Doctor Who "FANTASTIC"

Three things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Tidy my room
2. Have a bath cos i smell
3. Eat my dinner, but i really don't fancy toad in the hole right now.

Three careers you're considering:
1. IT type person who fixes peoples broken computers
2. Writer, but thats just a pipe dream
3. Roadie for a band - another pipe dream that will probably never happen. But they look like they have fun, those roadies.

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. New York - and a few other american citys
2. Ireland
3. France - so i can prove the sterotype correct, British people who shout at the french and expect them to understand english lol

Three kids' names you like:
1. Daniela (if i ever manage to have a daughter thats what i want to name her as)
2. Paul because thats my middle name
3. Racquel to remind me of my friend my New York hehehe

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Find a girlfriend
2. Breed so i can pass on my silly plans for world domaination to the next generation
3. See Boxfive live

Thre people that have to take this quiz:
1. Racquel
2. Rebecca aka spanisheskimo
3. Music_Muse aka Kerri, because i haven't spoken to her a in a long time. Shes super cool.