I'm stuck in the tardis

I've been having random flashes of things my past for the last couple of hours. Some good times and some bad times.
I generally avoid looking to far back into my past, because some wounds have not healed and probably never will.
On the surface i may appear to be a person who forgives and understands why people do the things they do.
However i'm not really like that. There are people who have had a profound impact on my life, who i could never really hate, dislike perhaps. But not hate with a passion.

I'm just fed up of the "awww Kevin is so sweet" crap i get to hear. I'm a sour person and quite bitter. I am very good at shielding my inner nightmare from people. Sometimes i lose the plot and i turn nasty. But that is rare.

I'm running scared of my past. They are things that i do not want to confront, but ironically they are probably the things that i need to face, in order to move forward.

I've been through so much crap in my short life span, that has given me emotional scars that run extremely deep. I cannot trust anyone completey. I'm always looking over my shoulder in regards to having my trust broken.

And before anyone thinks i'm a self centered egotistical cunt. I'm not. I use writing to express the things that are going on in my mind.
I'm extremely frustrated about children dying for no reason, other than lack of cheap and effective medications and treatments.
Poverty can be reduced. Though for it to be truely gone, we would have to live in a world where there no bombs, violence or people with a lust for money and posssesions that matter very little in the grand scheme of things.

As people who have been reading my posts over the years, will know i can write some really crap stuff. I have a rare gift of being able to sometimes express whats going on inside my head. But that does not occur often. I generally tend to lock my thoughts and memories away.

Because i'm scared of what i may find in the vaults of my mind....

Though i really did'nt what to have those nightmares again. Dead bodies scare the shit out of me. Though i like the Evil Dead films.

I'm rambling. But i am thinking of spending sometime with a pad of paper, and just write non stop and pulling it all together in a word processor. I have been trying to write on my computer, but i have writers block.

My mind is wonderful and terrible thing, to me at least. I do have some very good memories, but i get dragged down by the bad ones. Which nearly drove me over the edge into the abyss of nothingness......