I'm stuck in the tardis

Walking through the wind swept streets of Oxford on my way to an appointment, i had a flurry of memories about the past. All shooting past, so fast it was like trying to catch fine dust particles in the air.
Lots of different images from the past came into view.
Moments i thought i had locked away, never to be remembered again.
But I guess, by locking away memories of moments that I'd rather forget they find ways of escaping and tormenting me.
Like the day at school when i didn't have the money to see this thing, so i sat, on the floor and cried my eyes out.
Not because I, wanted to see whatever it was, but because i felt alone and removed from the rest of my classmates.

This is not because i felt special, but rather that i was alienated from people.
I've never felt like I'm talented in anything. I just stumble along, falling over and picking up the pieces before i set off again on that long and twisted path that is life.
The destination is already known: death. But life is the bit in the middle that gets us to the point.
So by looking back at my memories i haven't made the best of whatever talents i do have.
But my self esteem is so badly shot, i doubt I'll find a way to make the best use of them.
Or that is just me being negative as usual.

I do need to be around people. But i find that i need to be alone with my thoughts so i can sort through the things that hold me back. It's a long process. I mean i could go back to being a cleaner and waste my life doing a job i hate more than anything else I've done so far in life.
There is something more out there. The trick will be finding out what that is for me at least.
So i will be kept company with my memories which are always lingering on the edges of my mind.
Always waiting to catch me unawares and make me relive things I'd rather forget.

I like to ramble and repeat myself, it just lets me work things out.