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taperoo2k at 08:21pm on 29/01/2007
taperoo2k at 08:21pm on 29/01/2007This had me in stiches....
1. Things Seen In Passing
Guys are visual creatures, and it can't be helped if were watching a movie that has us aroused when some boobs are come out to play, or there is mention of an overtly erotic (or depraved) activity. But be warned, this also extends to radio commercials and billboard ads, so when you hear about a guy crashing his car into a hospital because he was trying to rub one out, don't act all shocked.
2. People You Are Actively Pursuing
Not surprisingly when most guys pursue, they over pursue. Nothing wrong with hi-lighting a crank session with the person you are courting, but do it too much and you'll start building some strange expectations, or it just fuels a type of fanatic over zealousness's that only testosterone and obsession can create. So don't be surprised when you're all amped up and testicle fuel, and you have images of your non-existent plough sessions coursing through your head, and you have to stay in the holding pattern and you end up putting your fist through a window to let off some of the steam.
3. Exes
Ah yes, the replay reel that never wears out. No matter how long ago, under which circumstances, regardless of how messy the breakup, you can wallow in these memories of yours until your hands fall off and your penis inverts from old age. These are solid fall backs for when things around you may not be going so great, you can always retreat to this corner of your brain and have your way with women that probably hate you now.
4. Porn
A wheel house of the modern man. It goes without saying that men, hoarding their treasures of the skin like pirates burying them on hard drives, stock piling them for god knows what, til kingdom come. Being royalty of your own porn world, kingdom come indeed. This has become ritual for many, and stage 4 is really where many people get off this ride, eternally seeking out their druthers on the smut webs, meticulously cataloging their catches like Costa Rican butterflies.
5. Things You Want To Do With The Person You Are Currently Dating
Its easier to deny to your significant other that you pleasure yourself, then having to explain why this ritual has nothing to do with them, a ritual that began long before they arrived, and who's hallowed and practiced motions will continue until well after they have left. While you may occupy yourself with other imaginings, this is sometimes used as a staging area for you to wrathfully project your will onto the version of your girlfriend who would be willing to "try" that. And hell sometimes you never know, your just too lazy to ask if she'll do that.
6. Fetish
Everyone has something that deviates slightly from an archetype all of us share. If you don't already know what it is, just think of the one thing you wouldn't elaborate on in-front of a group of your friends. The thing that if it came up for someone else, you might even ridicule the person n fear they might find you out. For you, short of performing whatever act you find so secretly thrilling, this is where it is free to play in your mind and have it serve you in the most comforting of ways, even if your taboo is, or was some kind of felony.
7. People You Would Like To Bang Violently
There are people that get under your skin, doesn't matter if you've even met them in person, you'd like to fuck them in a way that they would stay fucked. There's some cranky bitch you probably hate, dressed sharply, a frown beneath her upturned face, just waiting to say something disdainful, you'd think that you want to steer clear of this, but deep inside all men there's a sadistic little fire that burns to have rough sex. The two of you thrusting, and yelling like opera singers that caught fire alternatively holding each other down, cuts on your back, bruises forming from positions your trying just to demean the person, this is Sex of Vengeance. I recommend you try it. But in the mean time it extends to women you'd like to Penetrate the Hammer of Chauvinism into. Case in point, I've heard enough about Lindsay Lohan for three lifetimes, were sick of hearing about nothing, but who wouldn't mind bending her over a wheel barrow or luggage rack (whatevers around) and while at it pulling some hair and slapping her a bit.
8. Friends You Secretly Want to Have Sex With
Most of them time, not so secret. Many women have figured out they have Vaginas, and their closest friends would gladly greet them with open arm. This is a type of depravity and rigorousness that sometimes fuels itself in the knowledge you may never actually get a chance to unleash the passion you've pent up on (or in) the person it was intended for. But hope springs eternal, and while I wouldn't label the friendships as fraudulent because of this, it certainly can cloud your judgement about advice you give or decisions you make in your own life.
9. Girlfriends of Friends
Hopefully this isn't something you've considered pursuing, but as long as we're in the theatre of your mind, lets stop pretending you've never though about it. To taste of the twisted forbidden fruit of betrayal is so sick and perverse it can send your hand reeling. But this is the darkest sanctum in which you can retreat to and maintain sanity. This is just how guys work, the sooner you can learn to respect yourself and others we can just live with our shame and move on.
Guys are visual creatures, and it can't be helped if were watching a movie that has us aroused when some boobs are come out to play, or there is mention of an overtly erotic (or depraved) activity. But be warned, this also extends to radio commercials and billboard ads, so when you hear about a guy crashing his car into a hospital because he was trying to rub one out, don't act all shocked.
2. People You Are Actively Pursuing
Not surprisingly when most guys pursue, they over pursue. Nothing wrong with hi-lighting a crank session with the person you are courting, but do it too much and you'll start building some strange expectations, or it just fuels a type of fanatic over zealousness's that only testosterone and obsession can create. So don't be surprised when you're all amped up and testicle fuel, and you have images of your non-existent plough sessions coursing through your head, and you have to stay in the holding pattern and you end up putting your fist through a window to let off some of the steam.
3. Exes
Ah yes, the replay reel that never wears out. No matter how long ago, under which circumstances, regardless of how messy the breakup, you can wallow in these memories of yours until your hands fall off and your penis inverts from old age. These are solid fall backs for when things around you may not be going so great, you can always retreat to this corner of your brain and have your way with women that probably hate you now.
4. Porn
A wheel house of the modern man. It goes without saying that men, hoarding their treasures of the skin like pirates burying them on hard drives, stock piling them for god knows what, til kingdom come. Being royalty of your own porn world, kingdom come indeed. This has become ritual for many, and stage 4 is really where many people get off this ride, eternally seeking out their druthers on the smut webs, meticulously cataloging their catches like Costa Rican butterflies.
5. Things You Want To Do With The Person You Are Currently Dating
Its easier to deny to your significant other that you pleasure yourself, then having to explain why this ritual has nothing to do with them, a ritual that began long before they arrived, and who's hallowed and practiced motions will continue until well after they have left. While you may occupy yourself with other imaginings, this is sometimes used as a staging area for you to wrathfully project your will onto the version of your girlfriend who would be willing to "try" that. And hell sometimes you never know, your just too lazy to ask if she'll do that.
6. Fetish
Everyone has something that deviates slightly from an archetype all of us share. If you don't already know what it is, just think of the one thing you wouldn't elaborate on in-front of a group of your friends. The thing that if it came up for someone else, you might even ridicule the person n fear they might find you out. For you, short of performing whatever act you find so secretly thrilling, this is where it is free to play in your mind and have it serve you in the most comforting of ways, even if your taboo is, or was some kind of felony.
7. People You Would Like To Bang Violently
There are people that get under your skin, doesn't matter if you've even met them in person, you'd like to fuck them in a way that they would stay fucked. There's some cranky bitch you probably hate, dressed sharply, a frown beneath her upturned face, just waiting to say something disdainful, you'd think that you want to steer clear of this, but deep inside all men there's a sadistic little fire that burns to have rough sex. The two of you thrusting, and yelling like opera singers that caught fire alternatively holding each other down, cuts on your back, bruises forming from positions your trying just to demean the person, this is Sex of Vengeance. I recommend you try it. But in the mean time it extends to women you'd like to Penetrate the Hammer of Chauvinism into. Case in point, I've heard enough about Lindsay Lohan for three lifetimes, were sick of hearing about nothing, but who wouldn't mind bending her over a wheel barrow or luggage rack (whatevers around) and while at it pulling some hair and slapping her a bit.
8. Friends You Secretly Want to Have Sex With
Most of them time, not so secret. Many women have figured out they have Vaginas, and their closest friends would gladly greet them with open arm. This is a type of depravity and rigorousness that sometimes fuels itself in the knowledge you may never actually get a chance to unleash the passion you've pent up on (or in) the person it was intended for. But hope springs eternal, and while I wouldn't label the friendships as fraudulent because of this, it certainly can cloud your judgement about advice you give or decisions you make in your own life.
9. Girlfriends of Friends
Hopefully this isn't something you've considered pursuing, but as long as we're in the theatre of your mind, lets stop pretending you've never though about it. To taste of the twisted forbidden fruit of betrayal is so sick and perverse it can send your hand reeling. But this is the darkest sanctum in which you can retreat to and maintain sanity. This is just how guys work, the sooner you can learn to respect yourself and others we can just live with our shame and move on.